Happy Fucking New Year

A little less than two hours left in 2011 and I'm pretty much forcing myself to stay awake. I really don't have any reason to though. It's just me and the kiddos, which are all passed out, so what I should be doing is go to bed. Instead I decided to reflect a little on this past year...

2011 was definitely a year of change. Good and bad. It's been a year of growth on my end. 

They say a woman changes every 7 years. Well, it's save to say that that's pretty much what I did in 2011...

I've had my low points, and lord knows I've had plenty of those, but I've somehow managed to pull myself back up over and over to enjoy every second of many amazing moments. And at this point I have to take a minute and thank the people involved, who always stood beside me. I know I wouldn't be where I'm at today without you, and it may not seem like you've done anything special, but just being there and listening, actually really listening, has helped me so much. Understanding. Giving advice - whether I liked it or not. I know there's probably 20 if not more reading this and padding themselves on the shoulder thinking "yes, she's talking about ME! I've been such a great friend bla bla bla". And if this were a facebook status, they'd "like" it to show me "they know" I'm referring to them. Nothing like that is needed here... 

I know you don't really need me to say this but I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for standing by me through and through. This year has definitely proven once and for all that it's always gonna come down to the same people. And I'm more than grateful that it's you...

To clear a couple of things up. I don't have anger issues. I'm not bitter. I don't hate my life. I'm not a backstabber. I'm not a bitch - well define "bitch". I'm not depressed. I'm not whatever negative bullshit you're making up to make yourself feel better.
I just don't enjoy being lied to. I can't stand it when people talk shit behind my back to make themselves look all high and mighty. I'm not much into toxic friendships and I'm sick of drama queens and attention seeking whores - which by the way goes for males and females. I don't like to be disrespected or taken advantage of. Fake cunts piss me the fuck off. Again, NO, I don't have anger issues :O)

Yes, I've changed. I'm no longer just sitting back watching people walk all over me. And at some point in my life, I had to make the decision that that even goes for family. Which I understand, pisses most of them the hell off and people around me judge me for that. But you know, if people who are considered family can't take me for who I am, if they can't love me just the way I am, why do I have to let that affect me? Why am I expected to change to their liking? 

All my life I've lived for others. I've always put myself in the background and made sure everyone else got what they needed and that they were happy. I avoided confrontation, which, yes I still do mostly but I'm getting there. 

Call it midlife crisis if you must, but I'm not getting any younger here. I don't want to spend the next 20 years of my life pleasing everyone else around me just so I can wake up one day realizing I've wasted my best years doing just that. I don't regret being there for everyone or any of that, don't get me wrong. But for me to be happy inside and out, I need to finally put myself first. And I understand that it'll take time to adjust for some, and I hope they will, just quit calling me all these names for fucks sake :O) 

I've met some amazing new people this year. I've also met a couple I can't wait to get rid off at some point 'cause they're just sucking the life right out of me. But, as it takes time to let people in to your life, it takes time to show them the door... 

On a positive note, I don't think I've ever met as many awesome fucking people in just one year than I have in 2011. What I value most is that they get me. Maybe it's just easier 'cause they didn't know me before so there wasn't that transition time that so many seem to have an issue with. But seriously. I'm enjoying this, whatever "this" is. This "journey" that I'm on I guess you could say. 

In 2011 I've learned that, you can't expect people to understand your point of view if you're afraid to speak up.

I've learned that I don't have to be afraid of who I am, 'cause I'm not all that bad. 

I've learned that you always have to expect the unexpected. 

You have to take the good with the bad. 

You have to hurt first to know what love feels like. 

Epidurals are fucking awesome when placed correctly.

Almost everything tastes better with BBQ sauce on it.

I've learned that a third child does make a huge difference - and everyone else who thinks otherwise is a fucking dumbass.

That I have a potty mouth.

I've learned that I have way too many stalkers on my facebook - and I mean seriously, some of you need to get over your fucking selves and stop telling others to stalk my page and then report back to them, 'cause that's just fucking beyond pathetic and sorta creepy at the same time!

I <3 facebook.

Always wipe finger prints off your plasma tv right when you notice them, don't get distracted, cause you WILL forget and they WILL stay there and you WILL have a pissed off husband especially when he has to find out about it on your blog (mimi did it). 

Life can be a fucking bitch. 

But most importantly, I've learned that without faith, you're pretty much screwed... 

Hence why this chicken shit aka moi is going to get her first tattoo, at the age of ALMOST 30 (pathetic, right?) and it'll simply say "faith". Just so I can remind myself on a daily basis, that that's pretty much all it comes down to in the end. Now the question is what part of my body it'll end up... 

Well. 2011 it's been a blast. Thank you for making this the probably most memorable year so far. Here's to 2012, let the journey continue...

So long fuckers <3