Just a few insides

There are a couple of things that caught my attention over the passes few days and they seem to be irritating me. Or else I wouldn't have to write about it.

First of all, and this one is hitting close to home right now, why do people feel the need to use alcohol and its consumption as a replacement for whatever is missing in their life? When you're young you just don't know any better, teens try it at an early age because that's what they see on TV. I am one of those people who truly believes it is or fault our youth is way deep into drugs and alcohol, violence and teen pregnancies. We let them be around it, WE are the ones introducing it to them, so really, you can't blame your child when they start smoking at 14, end up pregnant at 16 with an alcohol and drug addiction. Where were you as a parent teaching them right from wrong? Where were you monitoring what your child was watching on tv, what computer games they were playing, what friends they were hanging out with? Sure, you can't be there all the time, but I'm sorry, if you end up with a teenager with these kind of issues it's not because you "couldn't be there all the time" it's because you failed your children as a parent.
Back to the alcohol issue. Like I said when you're young you don't know any better, it's legal (once you hit a certain age of course, where I'm from 16 for beer and wine, 18 for everything else) everyone else does it so you do it, I get it. I've done it, too. I'd get drunk at the weekends with my friends at the clubs and had a kick ass time. And still nice today to have a little bit to drink when you're out and just wanna "let losse". Me personally, I get that chance maybe twice a year, if that, and well right now that's totally out of the question seeing how I'm almost 8 months pregnant. And no, I DON'T believe that "a glass of wine a day" won't hurt your unborn child. If a glass of wine will make me tipsy, i don't even want to know what it'll do to my unborn child. Everyone thinking it is ok to drink while pregnant, deserves to be slapped upside the head, but that's just my opinion.
So when does drinking become an issue? When do you as the person consuming enormous amounts of alcohol on a regular basis realize, it's too much and has become a problem? How do you get yourself out of it! I think society needs to get away from the image of the heavy alcoholic who is drunk 24/7. It's starts way before that. But society tends to look away because who enjoys pointing fingers at someone saying "you are an alcoholic". I believe once you consider alcohol as a fix-all, a replacement, a way to cope, that's when you're already in way too deep. But it's hard to reach a person who's considering alcohol "a friend". You had a shitty day at work again, so you get drunk. You had a fight with your spouse, so you get drunk. You are over whelmed with whatever situation you're in, so you get drunk. And again and again.
What does that fix? Nothing. It only makes things worse. And sadly, in most cases, you won't realize that until it's too late. Alcoholism is a disease. But since society makes us believe it's "normal" it's "accepted" to drink even at noon, you don't see yourself as being sick. Yet you are.
The most devastating part is not just that you're hurting yourself by slowly destroying yourself and body, you are hurting the ones that love you and are there to help you but you won't reach out because alcohol doesn't want you to talk, it doesn't want you to open up and deal with your issues. No. Alcohol is the backstabbing bitch that'll always smile in your face telling you lies how you'll always have your buddy alcohol but in the end, when it's all said and done, when it's too late, alcohol will have taken everything from you.
You don't just damage yourself, you damage the ones who care about you. So what are they to do? Sit around and watch you go down hill? Are they to interfere? Should they protect themselves? Could you blame them for walking out on you after they've tried absolutely everything to save you from yourself when they almost got lost themselves along the way? And yes you don't see that because the disease has taken over your body AND mind. You're not gonna see any of that until, yes, until it is too late.
I, like many people I know, grew up with alcoholics around them. And it's not pretty to watch, especially not when you're a child. It's painful to watch them hurt other with their actions and words all because they had one too many at the bar. When alcohol becomes a priority and your family comes second, you're crossing a line.
You're not as strong as you seem. You're weak. Hiding behind your drunk facade isn't making you look tough. Hiding from whatever it is you don't want to deal with, no it doesn't make you appear tough at all.
Get help. Offer help. Let them help you. Get better!

What'd you do if another woman were to kiss your husband and he'd tell you about it? I just read that in an army wives support group. And shockingly, out of god knows how many ppl answering there was only ONE that said, she'd be glad he told her but she'd walk away from "her" with class. Everyone else said they'd "beat the shit out of that bitch". What exactly DID happen to classy women? Where have the gone to?
Not only is it extremely low class to "beat the shit" out of someone, but shouldn't you also ask yourself how your significant other even got into that kind of situation? As much as they wanna play the victim, ask yourself, are they really THAT innocent?

And last but not least (at least for now) I HATE it when so called "friends" choose sides when there's an argument in the room and they don't even bother to actually be that friend they should be and hear both sides to the story. Yes NEWSFLASH, there's ALWAYS two sides to EVERY story!
Especially when it comes to relationship issues you are better off shutting the hell up rather than fueling the fire by telling the other party exactly what they want to hear even though they know it's wrong. That they're wrong. They've screwed up and they know it. But maybe you being a screw up yourself, is what makes you jump on the band wagon. Some "friends" you think you can rely on are poison to your life without you even knowing it. Sure we all get advice when we don't know what to do. But I believe the most honest and worthy advice anyone could ever give you is that whatever they'll tell you, they're gonna lose either way and YOU need to figure out for yourself what you think you should do. Not the "OMG is she on her period?", "ah women, they're all the same, let her get over it" or "how dare she! Who does she think she is? She isn't your mother, she can't tell you what to do!" crap, a REAL friend wouldn't say something like that. And I hate to break it to you, but, biotch, I may not be his mother, but I am his WIFE, the mother of his children. So yes, I do own that right that I can tell him what to do and what not to do if it puts him or his family at any kind of risk!
Yes, I occasionally argue with my husband and even fight, we're only human. But let me just make one thing crystal clear to YOU! Just because I've been sitting here quietly all this time, doesn't mean I don't see through you. Just because I smile and let you be part of my life, doesn't mean I respect you. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer...

That's it for now. Have a lovely tuesday :O)
Peace out

Happy I know what you're going through day

It's drama day 2011.

Also known as Mother's Day. Why? Simple. Because it's usually accompanied with a lot of drama right before and on the said day. I can only nod my head and think "yup someone's always gotta ruin this "special" day for you with lots of disrespect and making you feel like you're totally unappreciated." But hey we go through that on more than one year throughout the year so really, it doesn't matter which day you eff up for me 'cause it'll hurt either which way.

Ok so let's see. On MD you thank your Mother for all she's done for you. Some do more, some less. Some never gave a shit about you and still expect a big ol' thank you.
When it comes to me that really is the biggest no-no. When you expect a present. Ppl that even tell you "oh I want this and that from you for Mother's Day!" WTH??? Ppl like that make me sick, I think it's disgusting to do something like that. Oh to be "disappointed" when all you get is a picture your child drew for you or anything they've made, even when they're already older. Shouldn't it come from the heart though and not from their wallet??? Of course when you're in your mid 30's you're not gonna color your mom a picture anymore. Then it's a bouquet of over priced flowers that will die a couple of days later. Or maybe you'll take her out to dinner. Whatever you think she deserves or well in most cases, because it's what everybody does and it's simply expected. Mother's Day has turned into such a materialistic day and really isn't about what it should be anymore. My son who's 8 years old, and had the funds to buy me something, didn't. And I loved that! I actually had to laugh when I heard myself say "awww you made me something - out of garbage!" he did. That's his thing, he sees empty cardboard boxes, juice boxes, tp rolls, etc and builds stuff out of it! And today all of that was filled with more little things he made, pictures he drew, cut out hearts, cards that told me "you look like an angel! I love you Mommy and I try to help you as much as I can today!" stuff like that warms my heart and makes me wanna cry - not the store bought crap I can go buy myself if I feel I have to have it so bad.

Let's move on to the one subject that causes trouble every year. Should a husband who's also a dad acknowledge his wife on MD?
I think there's three categories when it comes to this.

You have the "assistant dad" who reminds the kids it's MD, helps them make breakfast and assists in anything the kids want to do for mom and gives advice and ideas.

Then there's "the trying to kiss up dad" who knows he never shows how much he appreciates anything the mother to his children does so on MD he goes all out and she'll get flowers, chocolates, expensive gifts. She happily accepts and for the rest of the year she'll continue to whine and complain about him not appreciating her. Kinda like Valentine's Day if you think about and exactly why I don't celebrate it. I don't believe you should be concentrating on that one day out of the year to show your love for your significant other, and then the rest of the year not care. You should show your love every day. May it just be a two minute shoulder rub, loading the dishwasher even though that's not your chore, surprise him/her.

Ok and last but not least, you have the "I don't care" dad. Some just simply really don't give a crap, they don't even call their own mom on MD so what makes you think he'd appreciate you? And then there's the ones that bend over backwards for their own mother but when it comes to you, it's "you are not MY mother" so they don't see any reason to be thankful for everything you do for HIS children. Insert eye rolling here.

The thing is though, MD should be something between the child and mom mainly. There's no harm in having dad helping out the kids with showing their appreciation and/or giving mom the day off but the whole showing off your presents and bragging about it really isn't what it SHOULD be about.

It's funny though how you can tell how other ppl see you and what you do on a daily basis. Example. My dad sent me an email this morning asking if we are going to skype or if I was busy with celebrating Mother's Day with my kids or if they've forgotten.
Ok. First of all. It wouldn't have killed you to wish me a happy MD but hey, I know you think I'm a shitty mother seeing how I don't let my kids get away with everything. They have rules, they have to show respect and yes there are consequences. There are time outs and they get grounded. Big bohooo. Oh and second, no my kids didn't forget like you may think they probably would since they're so miserable having me as their mother. Don't you love it when your own parents always think they'd do it better? Especially when you could rub so much in their face that they didn't do right when you were still a "kid"?!
But then there's the least expected. I got a beautiful card from my husbands grandfather. Even if it's just a card sent 'cause he thinks he should, he went out and got one and wrote in it and mailed it off. And he put a smile on my face with that. It's the little things, the unexpected things that mean something.

So. MD is just another day that can either turn out great or very very bad, depending on what your expectations are and what you'll get in the end.

To all the Mommy's out there, no matter what, don't forget YOU know what you accomplish and sacrifice on a daily basis to make sure your children have everything they need and to keep your family happy and together!

THAT'S what matters the most, that YOU don't forget about YOURSELF!!

Army Wife = Bitch?

Does being an Army Wife really always mean you're a big ol' bitch? I mean seriously, I've come across A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT OF THEM since I've met my husband, and believe me when I tell you they learn to disguise themselves pretty well and only when it comes to that kind of breed you'll find that rank does NOT matter. They come in all kinds of sizes and colors and shapes and what not. But they all share that fake ass bitch gene. Maybe it really isn't their fault? Maybe they can't control being like that? Who knows. But then again there's so many different kinds, you have the drama bitches, the fake bitches, lying bitches, combine them all in to one bitches. Ok enough with the b word.

What set me off? Well, I've been looking for some new boards on facebook and came across a few good ones tonight. Ok, so I thought. One of them, ha, not so much. Not unless you're into white trash drama.

It was supossed to be a "debate" group for Army wives. The founder of the page and her admin would continously post questions that started debates, which hey, that's just my style, I'm always up for a good debate. It seemed to be the perfect board for me, little miss talk and debate a lot. I don't even know where to begin here, I'm still shaking my head about how stupid some women really are.

So they start a debate asking a question they know most people will have an opposite opinion to as to theirs and as soon as that happens BAM! the bitch squad sets into motion. They twist your words around, the blow everything you say out of porportion, they personally attack you and completely loose track of what the debate was really about. And all of that on purpose.

LMAO seriously, how old are you???? What kind of lives are you living that you will set up a page like that where your only, and I mean ONLY, intend is to verbally attack people and piss them off? Do you feel all strong and mighty hiding behind your computer cursing ppl out because they don't have the same low IQ as you? Are you proud to call yourself an Army wife when you do that kind of stuff? Really? What a disgrace. And really that's all that is. A disgrace.

There was also a post on that page, that was directed (and yes they used that persons name in the specific post) about how that person was back on the page with a new profile bla bla after he/she was supossedly blocked. So they start this name calling game AGAIN and it just goes back and forth and everyone just jumps in cursing that person out. WTH??? And you're telling me you're NOT addicted to drama? If you weren't, the first sign of that blocked person with a new profile, click, blocked. DONE. The way the founder/admin of that page handles things is just plain low class. Lowest of the lowest. And plenty of "followers" where right there to help a lending hand.

About 15minutes into being part of that group, I was out.

A friend of mine told me today I should really consider writing a book and lay it on the line. What the life of an Army wife REALLY is about. Not what you see on TV shows. None of that is real. It's fiction. It may be inspired by true stories, but there's so much they DON'T show. Not just good things, oh no. I really think I should be heading in that direction.
Well find the time first... That's the main goal for now.

Anyway. I hope everyone's having a pleasant evening... I just wanted to share this oh so great facebook experience with y'all. And no, I still don't think facebook is the devils work... Not yet anyway.
Peace out.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show rant :O)

Dear Ellen,

about a month ago, I was one out of 20 lucky, expecting Army spouses from Fort Irwin (CA), who were invited to your Mother's Day Special taping today. It only took about 4 days to be informed that I was uninvited since I am not expecting my first child... Of course I wasn't the only one who, all of the sudden, didn't seem worthy to be on your show anymore. So, I wrote you an email. I never got a response, and honestly I didn't expect one either. But I just felt I owed it to my children, my husband and myself to be heard. My husband has been fighting for this country for 10 years. And yes of course he's a war veteran, he's spent about 26 months in Iraq and 12 in Afghanistan.
He left for Iraq when his first born child was only 2 weeks old. He returned home on his 1st birthday, only to leave again, that time for Afghanistan, 11 months after that. But I guess we were luckier than most since he was there to support me throughout my pregnancy and was there to hold my hand when I gave birth to his son and the fact that he and his unit made it home at all is more you can ask for these days.
When we got pregnant with our daughter, we knew it was gonna be harder since he was already on orders to deploy again shortly after we found out. So when I was 5 months pregnant, he left his son and pregnant wife behind for his 3rd tour. Another year of not knowing will he be lucky enough to make it home. Not knowing if he's ever gonna get a chance to see his kids grow up. But again we were blessed and a day before the due date he came home on R&R. Our daughter on the other hand had other plans and didn't even think about making her entrance so a week before he was to return back downrange, we went to the hospital and told them that even though we knew there's no guarantee it'd work, we'd like to induce. And we did. And yes it wasn't great, it was way more painful (which isn't really a surprise if you consider that you are forcing your body to spit out that baby NOW) and it lasted for a day and a half. Was it worth it in the end? YES! My husband again had the chance to hold my hand through all the pain, he got to hold his newborn baby girl and was given an amazing 6 days with her before leaving us again. He savely returned home with his unit almost 8 months later.
One of the reasons, well probably the only real reason, we decided to go for one more child, was that he's missed so much with our son and daughter, that he felt he needed one more chance. One chance to be tehre for it all, the pregnancy and the entire first year of his childs life! All this time that he wasn't around, he can't make up for, even if he wanted to. And me as his wife and mother to his children, have to watch him hurt because of it and it breaks my heart over and over. So even though I was pretty much done pushing melon sized heads out of my vajayjay and really didn't feel like going through all the pain again, I agreed and we tried for one more. And we got lucky. Again. It was tough in the beginning since they falsely told me at 6 weeks my baby was dead. Well he wasn't, he isn't, he's alive as can be and kicking the living crap out of me right now as I write this. Must be the chocolate I just gave him for lunch... So anyway.I don't know what we were thinking but I am 32 weeks pregnant now and my husband is gone again. Shocker. BUT at least it is NOT war for once. It's "just" Korea. And yes we could have tried to go with him. But, honestly, Korea is not the place I want my children to live. I don't consider it a save place period. And right now, families are being turned down left and right to accompany their spouse, so personally, I think I've made the right decission staying behind. This way, the kids and myself never got our hopes up to be able to go with him, just to be dissapointed in the end.
I could continue to tell you about what it means to be a military spouse, I could tell you what it means to be a child with a parent in the service. Instead I want to thank you, or more the creators of the show, that you actually did think about these families and invited some of them to be part of your show. But here's also the not so pretty part I'd like to share.
Like I've mentioned I emailed the show after I was kicked off the guest list. After me, so did two other ladies I know. I'm sure there were way more, but there's only two that I know of. These two are going to be on the show... They're both NOT first time moms. They got a call back from you and were told they were of course still invited. I know from one of them, it's her first child in this current marriage. NO DISRESPECT toward anyone who got divorced and re-married, BUT, don't you think that's a bit much? First I'm told I'm not good enough to be on the show because my husband (who's been risking his ass for this country for 10 years) and I already have two children. And then we are being punished for still being married after all this time??? Seriously? Excuse me but at this point I have to throw out a big ol' WTF?! My children don't seem to matter even though they've lived through deployments just like I did. They woke and still wake up crying in the middle of the night 'cause all they want is their Daddy to be home with them. And yes I could have lied after I was asked if it was my first child (or else I wouldn't be able to attend) but I didn't. I am a mother who loves her children more than anything and I'd never deny my children just to be on your show. But it does hurt, it hurts in ways you'll never understand.
But then to top it off, we're worth even less because I didn't walk out on my husband first chance I got when things got rough. And believe me when I say they did more than ones. You're seperated for so long, yet still married. You're faithful, you wait. You raise your children, take care of everything you normally do, plus the things your husband would do if he was home. You take care of your husband who's at war and is in need of care packages and a lot of morale boosters that come in many many differrent ways. You dry your childrens tears when they are woken from nightmares about their Daddy dying, and tell yourself to suck it the hell up and stay strong, for them. You just can't afford to let the fear take you over and watching news for example is something you rarely do, because no news are good news... You keep going, even though you're exhausted, you're drained.
You maybe hide in the laundry room with a pillow pressed against your face while the washer is running the spin cycle and the kids are napping or watchin a movie, and then and only then when you know they can't possibly see or hear you, is when you let go and you scream and you cry and just break down like any normal being would in your shoes. Let's not even mention the low lives and "bored spouses" that have nothing better to do than to spread rumors around, about which soldier did it with whom downrange... It's hard. It's hard to stay strong through it all and there's many that don't make, won't make it. And heck, who knows, maybe a couple of years from now I'm one of them.  But for now I'm not. I love my husband with all my heart!
 Right now I'm married to a soldier of the United States Army and I stay behind my soldier, I support him in any way possible and I don't complain. This is his job! This is the life we've chosen!

Again, I don't expect any kind of reaction to this. But maybe the idiots behind the Mother's Day Special could take a second and realize how disrespectful it is to invite and honor a military mom to be just to give her the boot a couple of days later, because she dared to stay committed to her husband and children after 9 years of putting her own life on hold so her husband can fight for his country... That's just effed up way beyond words.

I don't care if any of this makes any sense to you in any way. And it really doesn't have to. You have to walk in our shoes to understand what this life is really about. The Military way of life.
I hope the girls that did make it to the show are going to have a kick ass time and will always remember this special day!

Sincerely,
me, a PROUD army wife, mother to two wonderful children and mom-to-be who will never let anyone make her feel like she's worth less because she's accomplished more than others!

There's no victory in war

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

Honestly I don't even know where to begin here.

I cried. I sat in front of my TV waiting for Pres. Obama to address the nation. I kept thinking, it had to be true. He wouldn't come out this late at night to shoot down a rumor. It had to be true. Could it be true? I remember when we got news way back when that Saddam was captured alive. I cried then, too. Yet this was different. It IS different.
As I told my husband last night, it now somewhat seems, that it wasn't all "for nothing". Years gone at war. Seperation from the ones you love. Missing out on so much. Putting your life at risk, cheating death over and over. Loss. Fear. Every single service member was somehow part of this. It all eventaully led up to last night. So who's really to "thank" for this?

No I am not celebrating. What's there to celebrate? A mass murderer was killed. He got what he deserved. Well I guess they could have captured him and tortured him first, but nah, just kill him and get it over with. Don't risk him getting away. Again.

There's no reason to celebrate.
And what you saw on TV last night, I don't think it was people celebrating his death. I truly believe it was an act of relief. It was to celebrate the lives lost. NOT Osama's lost life.

2,819 people were killed on 9/11.
An estimated 3,051 children lost a parent that day.
Up until February, 1,461 US service members lost their lives in Afghanistan.

Over it all there's always been that one person responsible. And THAT was Osama Bin Laden.

Last night I was elated. I couldn't believe it, I called me kids downstairs to be with me because I felt the need to share this glorious "victory" with them. I wanted them to be part of history. Today, my feelings seem to have changed. What does his death change? I'm not gonna copy this crap about "cut off the snakes head" simply because I think it's cheesy and I'm just annoyed with everyone copying it to their status updates so they sound all book smart. Give me a darn break. Of course there's ALWAYS gonna be another terrorist ready to take the lead when one bites the dust. Anyone who believes it's all over now because Osama is dead, is just plain naive not say dumb.
As long as there's good in the world there has to be evil. The good will always fight the bad. When I hear people say "we got Saddam, we got Osama, it's time to bring the troops home" I wanna slap them silly. Do you really believe THAT was/is the sole purpose for these ongoing wars? How blind are people really? Hell, it sure would be nice if they'd just pack up and come home. I would be the first one to support that idea. That's if it'd make sense, which it doesn't. They're not gonna send them home because the "leader" who's been hiding like a fucking rat for almost a decade, is now dead. Al Qaida isn't gonna wave the white flag now 'cause they lost a game of hide and seek.  The war on terror is NEVER going to end. But, you may say, the USA got their revenge. THAT'S what this is all about. Revenge on that one person that brought so much pain on to this country.

Closure. You kept hearing that word on the news, every reporter used it in every second sentence. It may not be the same for every single one, but yes, it does bring some sort of closure. To me it does.
Why wouldn't it? When your child gets murdered you don't stop until the find that son of a bitch responsible and bring him/her to justice, right? Every single person who died because of Osama's doings, WAS SOMEONE'S CHILD! Still, his death, won't bring any of them back, and that's a fact.

My tears are not, never were, tears of joy. My tears were for all the pain and suffering inflicted on innocent people by one man and one man only.

He's dead. The chapter Osama Bin Laden's been closed. The next one's been opened already, it just doesn't have a name yet. The troops won't come home because of this. They'll have to be more alert than ever. So again I ask, what really is going to change? Nothing.

So while there's celebrations going on, others are fearing the worst. While they celebrate a victory, others are merely celebrating revenge. There's no victory in war, as war can and never will be "won" when you lost so much along the way...

Cheers to the Wh***s in this world

Who would have thought that today would turn into such an amusing day?

Despite all the haters around me, I did DVR the Royal Wedding and did a quick run through this morning after my son left for school. Yes I cried. Kate was a beautiful bride. She's always been beautiful to me, she seems flawless. Her smile is magical and addictive. And William, well I never thought he was good looking but I guess you could call him somewhat handsome. And well, he's the future KING of England so that gives him extra points. So, they got married today and it's just one of those things a lot of people don't understand. They're my age, they're my generation. I "grew up with them" sorta speak. I was glued to the TV when Princess Di was killed. I will never forget the day of her funeral. I know, I'm not even british. But I'm European. Europe still has something that the USA doesn't have. We have Monarchy. Real life Monarchy. Just like back in the day, only the modern version of it, if that makes any sense at all. I have to admit (DON'T GET YOUR FEELINGS HURT NOW) I have never experienced so much ignorance as I have over the passed two days. People saying they don't give a shit about this effin princess crap, there's more important things, but then they turn around and watch Jersey Shore? They claim there's more important things in the world going on than the Royal Wedding, at the same time they are saying they haven't heard about the 9 americans that were shot dead at an airport in Kabul this week? It has nothing to do with the USA so why give a shit? That's where you make yourself out to be ignorant.
I had to endure a lot of ignorance when I organzied the fundraiser for Japan, people attacked me for helping Japan when there are so many homeless in the USA. People telling me Japan doesn't deserve the help, they didn't help when Katrina hit here.To set that one straight, if you do choose to be ignorant like that, do your homework. Japan was indeed one of the FIRSTcountries who provide aid when Katrina hit, but that's beside the point.
"if you only have love for your own race, then you only leave space to discriminate. and to discriminate only generates hate. and when you hate then you're bound to get irate"
So where all these people now? Look at Alabama for instance. They need YOU right now! They need your help. Where are you? Let me guess, you're planning a trip to the mall this weekend since it's payday weekend. What's your excuse now? Now it's "your own people" needing help and yet you still choose to turn your back because worrying about yourself and yourself only is what matters the most to you. People like that disgust me.
"what is going wrong in this world that we're living in, people keep on giving in. making wrong decisions only visions of them dividends. not respecting each other, deny thy brother."

So then yesterday this one specific human being blew off steam about how little she cares about the royals and bla bla bla (the same one claiming she worries about more important things going on here but then says she hasn't heard anything about the 9 dead soldiers in kabul). So of course I had to get in on that debate 'cause it's just in my nature. It got to a point where I mentioned that MAYBE you have to be european to really get the hype. There was no dispresect or arrogance in what I said.  As for me, I am a true blood european. I was born and raised in Bratwurstland (Germany). My parents are both german. So are my grandparents. And my great-grandparents and so forth. So she then replied to that, saying she was european as well seeing how her grandfather was an italian immigrant. Uhm ok? Your grandpa was an italian immigrant. You were born on US soil weren't you? You grew up in the States didn't you? Have you ever even visited Italy? You don't speak the language at all. Do you even know how to cook just one italian meal? And no, Spagetti doesn't count unless you know how to make pasta and the sauce yourself. Do you know anything about Italy at all other than that's where Pizza is orginally from? No. You don't. So don't claim to be european or "italian" hun. You are american with italian descent. There's a big difference there. So that attempt of proving a point clearly didn't work out for you.
So the wedding was just beautiful in my eyes. You have people going around today saying how they were dissapointed, it was so boring. Uhm what did you expect? Seriously, it's not Hollywood, it's real life and if you know anything about the british royal family at all, the fact alone that William and Kate kissed TWICE on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, was exitment enough! And the Queen smiled for crying out loud!!! Ok enough. You either get it or you don't.

I had a lot of positive feedback about yesterday's blog post and my blog in general which truly did surprise me. And of course it made me feel very good :O) I know and am well aware that there's always gonna be people misreading my blogs, blowing things out of porportion, they'll talk shit behind my back for whatever reason. There's always gonna be this ugly thing called JEALOUSY. So even though I had a lot of love pouring down on me today, I also had one sad human being desperately tryinbg to rain on my parade.
My husband reposted my blog today on his facebook. Something he has never done before and he did so with saying the following :
"Check this out. This is why I love her ! Just dont get your feelings hurt if it applys to you lmao."
Thanks for the promo love :O) Seriously though, it made me feel good to see that even he would repost it even though he's not that type of guy. Support is a give and take and he surely supports me and I love him even more for that.
Then I got a message in my facebook inbox. First thing that threw me off was that it said "facebook user" instead of a name. I began reading. A lot of uninteresting nonesense how ....You're so fake...and what not and then in regards to "what your husband posted about your blog, i can only laugh about it!...You're pathetic."
Ok to fill y'all in. This particular being used to have a desperate crush on my husband. Long before him and I started dating. She was, nothing less than a whore (yes I just called you a whore, you know you are so get over it) who literally fucked every american that was running around on german soil. The hottest german guy could approach her, but no, no ID card, no vajayjay. Why? Because she's half american and she wanted a chance to go to States since she would never be able to on her own. Her exact words. It's not oh I got my feelings hurt drama that causes me to make up shit. No. I'm simply stating facts. When my husband and I started dating, I told her about it, she was pissed and called me a "boyfriend stealer" which confused me 'cause you should be dating someone in order to call him your boyfriend, right? You and him were never dating you dumb bitch lmao. There was one night where he got drunk and he made the terrible mistake of kissing you, bless his heart. After that you never heard from him again. Maybe your bad reputation caught up to you, heck I don't know. Whatever. Long story short, my life took a different turn and I stopped talking to her. She kept going through the Barracks, sometimes even seeing more than one soldier at a time. Take into consideration that they go out to the field  A LOT so I guess you gotta use that time wisely? I don't know. Well she went as far as starting a sexual relationship with a married soldier which left her with a baby at 18, Daddy not giving a shit about her or the kid. Shocker. Don't ask me how many times I've heard "oh she's getting married" Boom. No she didn't. She met someone, had sex, got engaged. He broke it off. Over and over and over. Well she got pregnant again. And this one I guess was a keeper 'cause she FINALLY got married after all this misery she brought on to herself. Over the years I had to put up with a lot of her bullshit, spreading lies about my marriage, my husband and continously sending me messages that I really didn't give a rats ass about. She sent my husband a friend request on fb after she got married, he declined. What more do you need woman? We don't care about you.
So now she sends me this message, and then blocks me off facebook so I can't write her back. Does that irritate me? Yes. It does. Does it surprise me? No. It doesn't. But I do get it. I got "her man". I have the life she always wanted. I've accomplished a lot of things in my life. And I didn't have to sell my body out to soldiers to get free drinks at the club. I didn't have to have sex with every penis that walked the Barracks halls. I get that you're jealous hun, I really do. But you should know by now that your pathetic attempts of trying to hurt my feelings (bohoooohooohooo) or to get in between my husband and me are just not going to work. I am not angry nor am I upset. I truly feel sorry for you though. Clearly you're still stuck at the same point you were over 10 years ago. You still don't have a life or else you wouldn't find the time over and over to try and make other people's lives miserable. Be miserable on your own hun, I don't want no part of that.
What does piss me off though is the fact that you weren't even on my husbands facebook and yet you still see what he posts which leads to the conclusion that someone from our past that you're friends with let you snoop around through their profile. Then again not a surprise either. What to expect from people that socialize with someone like you. We live and we learn. Delete.
So that was sort of the highlight of my day. No really it wasn't lmao It just made it better before it even got to the best part. I have to admit that kind of jealousy just reasures me that whatever it is that I am doing is something others only dream about, so why stop? I even wanna go as far as dedicated this blog to you. No I'm still not gonna play dirty and call you out by your name, we're not in 5th grade anymore now are we? But I'm sure you'll find a way to read this so give yourself a big ol' pad on the back, you've done great. You put a smile on my face and inspired me to keep going. So here's to you, if it wasn't for whores like you, I would have less to blog about. Cheers.


It's the last day of school in April. So it was time for Tristan's school Assembly. I knew he was getting an award so like all the other times, I was there to show him my support and how proud I am. Little did I know he was getting Student of the Month today :O) That clearly caught me by surprise and I think I may have embarrased him a little by cheering so loudly and hugging and kissing the devil out of him in front of the entire second grade student body, the principal, all the second grade teachers and - not to forget - his girlfriend :O)
What's funny is that he got a bumper sticker for Lewis Elementary and I've always wanted one of those. Now, 19 days before he's done at Lewis I get one. Go figure. It'll go in his keepsake box for Elementary School though. He also got a gift certificate for a free meal at Mimi's Cafe - with the exp date of May 1st of 2011. That's Sunday. Two days from now. Uhm. Ok way to go being cheap Lewis Elementary lmao I told him we'll go tomorrow, like I'd let a coupon for a free meal go to waste. Pfff.  Not me!

Well after that Mimi and I went to the Thrift Store and surprisingly not only weren't 100 people waiting already, they also had a lot of "good" things left for once. It's friday, they're open wednesday's and friday's only and most of the time all the good stuff is gone right away so going friday's really never was for me, it was mostly a waste of time. But not today. Mimi found a Barbie Ballerina doll that actually dances and shows all the Ballerina moves, and it comes with sensors she can put on her wrists and her ankle (reminds me of Lindsay Lohan's alcohol monitor anklet haha) so Mimi can practice with her and Barbie will respond. Effin cool if you ask me, especially when you consider that I paid 3$ for that thing. She also found two Barbie Ballerina dolls, a Barbie toilet and sink combo that make noise, 3.50$ for all that. And I found one of those big boxes that are meant to store hats in, but it's like a keepsake box with baby boy prints all over it. Brand spankin new for 3.50$ and a complete crib bumper with matching dust ruffle for 2$. And it's a cute one too :O)
It's the little things that make a gal happy I guess.


Again I wanna thank each and everyone of you who's been giving me feedback on my blog. Please don't ever think I'd take it personal if you'd tell me what you DIDN'T like about it. I'm a big girl. I think I can take it. I appreciate any kind of feedback - just not from my beloved husband, he's not entitled to critize me. I'm serious. Or am I?



And for the daily good deed: If you have 10$ left over to give to a good cause,  text REDCROSS to 90999 to help support the storm recoveries here in the USA. Go and donate blood, they're running short. Or just go volunteer with the Red Cross.
Thank you!!!!

Happy Friday!


Peace out!

I admit defeat

How I can't wait for the "I told you so"'s and the chance to bitch slap the living shit out of every single one who dares to say it out loud.
I am done. I am exhausted. I am drained, emotionally. Physically. I'm hurting. I'm desperate.
I admit defeat.

What is it this time around that makes me wanna kill myself? No I am not going to kill myself, but if killing myself would just mean I'd be gone for a while and be back when things are different, when they're better, and it's like I wasn't even gone to the rest of the world, then yes, I would love to kill myself right now.

Call it depression, call it whatever the hell you want. I really don't care. All I know is that I'm truly overwhelmed with having to deal with all these effin idiots around me that have nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing better to do, than to complain about their lives when they couldn't have it any better. Sure we all have a different understanding about a "great life", a "happy life". But when yours is pretty similiar to mine, yet a whole lot LESS stressful, then I'm sorry, I don't think I'm the kinda person who needs to hear your pathetic complaints.

Let me make one thing clear, once and for all. If you have a husband in the Army, do not expect him to come home at a decent time every day. Don't even bother wasting a second of your time expecting him to come at the same time every day. There's no such things as a fixed schedule. There's no such thing as a guarantee. Sure there's always exceptions, god bless you if your husband's rank is high enough to be able to do whatever the hell he wants to, yet he doesn't have enough rank or responsibility having to stay until the job actually gets done. If you're husband makes it home in time to kiss your kids good night, then you're god damn lucky in my eyes. Especially the fact that he indeed does get to come home every night.
We are at war. Not just one war, far too many. To sit here and complain that "oh my god, he came down on orders, he has to deploy next year but we are having a baby in three months" is not just pathetic, it is disrespectful to the thousands of spouses out there, who didn't have that luxury of having their husbands home all these years. Who didn't have them by their side when they gave birth. We've been at war with Iraq since February of 2003. That's about 8 years and a bit over two months. My first born son just turned 8, three weeks ago. What does that tell you? How many times do you think MY husband has been deployed since just that one war has been going on? Let's not even mention Afghanistan, let's not mention time away at schools, endless training missions with weeks away from home over and over, alone the PREPARING for war which in Aviation means preparing your helicopters, flying them out somewhere and "packing them up" all nice and neat to put them on a boat. He's not just gone for the time being deployed, there's a lot of time in between deployments where he's gone. And I accept that. It is his JOB. He doesn't work at Walmart, or Home Depot or an office where they work 9-5. My husband is a soldier of the United States Army. He serves his COUNTRY. If you have been part of the Military for more than two years, and you are just now having to deal with "the big D" word, seriously, you DO NOT have the right to complain. Nowadays to make it two years without being sent to either war is damn lucky. So again, you don't get to complain. You don't. At least not to me.
And then to sit there and to add to that, "oh i hate his effin command, they're making him work late again", "don't they care about what i need at all?" That one always literally makes me LaughOutLoud.
No they don't care about YOU. Again. We are at war. We once had a post commander that put in blunt as can be "If the Army wanted a soldier to have a spouse, it'd issue one" Harsh, yet true.
The way I see this whole bitching and complaing about the Army thing, is this. Yes I do bitch and complain all effin day long about anything you can possibly imagine. Because I was never given the chance to speak up and make my voice heard when I was a kid. I didn't matter, what I needed or wanted, my feelings, didn't matter. I am a grown woman now. And whether you like it or not, I will let you know what I think need, want or feel. Regardless if that will piss you the hell off and get your panties in a bunch. When you get pushed around enough you'll eventually learn how to push back. But see MY bitching and complaing is mainly about the ignorant ppl around me. Their stupidity, arrogance and carelessness is making me sick. Because of that, I get called angry, and bitter. Sounds good to me. I am angry. I am very angry. I may also be bitter. My surroundings made me this way. It's why I try to stay away from ppl as much as possible. Ok back to the Army issue. When you choose to publicly complain about something, you always have to deal with the consequences. Just like I have ppl pissed at me when they read this blog, because they feel attacked. Hun, I know quite a lot of ppl and if you really feel the need to feel personally attacked about every little thing I say, if you really always have to feel like it's directed at you, then I simply can't help you. I do blow off steam with dignity and respect though. I respect others, I don't have to drag names into it and I sure as hell don't have to make my husband look like a fucking retard who didn't teach his spouse a single thing about the Army. See, I am a very outspoken person. I think there's no point in arguing about that. And I will give you my opinion on Obama and politics in general and the Army and a whole lot of other things, if you ask me about it. Yeah well and sometimes even when you dont' ask me about it but that's beside the point.
 But there's a fine line a spouse should never ever cross. You don't sit there and use the internet to blow off steam when you can't keep unit specific information to yourself. Publicly trashing your husbands command, using their unit names or even worse, his commanders name and such, that's just plain S T U P I D! Do you even realize how much trouble you can get your husband in to? Yes. Now comes the part where you'd say "well I'm my own person, he's not my babysitter" Wrong. He indeed now IS your babysitter. You are command sponsored, aren't you? Well, therefor you've earned the priviledge to reside with him on post, the Army provides you with housing, you have the priviledge to shop at the exchange, the commissary and what not. The Army takes care of you, good care of you. But. If YOU screw up, it falls down on him. I'm not saying think before you speak, 'cause that'd make me a hypocrite, lords knows I barely ever think before I speak ;O) But let's just say, make sure you know your place before you speak.
So what was that rant all about you ask? I'm just tired of these pathetic spouses who do nothing but complain. I always try and think what these soldiers must be thinking knowing their spouses do nothing but talk shit about their job and yap away (and I mean they have to listen to it over dinner, or at least constantly nod their heads pretending that they're listening). I don't think knowing that your spouse doesn't support you in what you do, is that great of a feeling.

That being said, let's move on.

I love California, I love me my desert (well somewhat, I could definetely go without the spiders and bugs and snakes and what not). I love love love SoCal. But this place, Fort Irwin, in particular, I am sick of it. Not because of the place, post, itself. I'm sick of the ppl. There's a few normal ones, you'll always find a few ppl that are the exception to the rule, I know that. But if it's not lazy fucks that don't even bother to provide you with any kind of quality customer service and show some respect knowing that you'll come back anyway, because who the hell wants to drive over 30miles with a 55mph speed limit for a pack of diapers or a gallon of milk? Well there's enough bored and spoiled housewives out here who would, but I'm not one of them. So if it's not that group of ppl, it's the ones that again, bitch and moan about everything. Oh this sucks, and this sucks, and oh my god I can't believe, and .... Goodness get off your fucking high horse and suck it up already. Would it kill you at least try and make the best out of being here? I've hear ppl say "well the Army forced me to come here" NO you arrogant piece of turd. The Army doesn't care about you. As far as the Army is concerned, they'd be glad if you WOULDN'T want to be with your husband, it means less drama and less money they have to spend on supporting your ass. They didn't twist your arm holding a gun up to your head saying you better get your ass on to that truck, or else... Or did they?
So combine the "I don't give a fuck"'s with the "bitch a lot"'s and you have a dose of whatever you wanna call it that I simply can't no longer put up with.

So just for today add the fact that our water delivery guys (Sparkletts, yes I am calling you out you dumbfucks) again left stuff in front of my door that I DID NOT order. So they just add whatever the hell they want, and put it on my invoice, expecting me to pay for it. Well no more of that shit, fuckers.

I go and pick up Mimi from daycare, and they're telling me my amount that's due and then I hear her say "plus the fee from last time". Excuse me now what did you say??? Fee from WHAT time? I am not a penny pincher, and we're only talking about $3 here, but, I never walk out that building without paying. Heck they don't even give you the chance to do that. She said they'll figure it out... Yeah you better.

I walk into Mimi's classroom. They are sitting on the floor, quiet time. My least favorite teacher is present. I do respect her 'cause she's from Panama, my husband was born there, his mom is panamanian, with a very heavy accent, so I'm not new to this. I'm a foreigner, too. I was born and raised in Bratwurstland. But do you really have to let someone be a teacher and work with Pretodds who barely speaks any english at all? If I am having problems understanding her, what about the kids?
Anyway so Mimi sees me and gets up and slowly starts walking toward me. Oh no here goes Miss Panama "AH NOOO you SI DOWW" Yeah she didn't see Miss Hormonal-Irritation behind her also knows as Kaitlyn's mother...I made myself seen and just gave her one of my "excuse me, you may wanna slow your effin horses, 'cause I'm about to slap the silly out of you" looks and said, "she's trying to come to ME if you don't mind'. Ahhh ahahahahah is a yo Mommy. You bet your ass it is.
So great, Mimi was wet. I throw the teacher another one of my looks. Oh ahahahaha he wa sitin o si carpi he di no sai noti. Uhm yeah well maybe because YOU order her to sit her ass back down as soon as she shows the slightest attempt to get up, maybe THAT'S WHY she didn't quite make it to the potty. Useless ppl I tell ya. Got her changed and here she tells me again about the carpi and how HE di no sai noti. Shut it already. I don't care about your carpi and Mimi's a GIRL therefor it's SHE not HE.

Then the Commissary didn't let me use my coupons. You can't double. Yeah using two different coupons on one item isn't doubling you idiot. Ok whatever. Keep your effin crap then. Paid for the other stuff and left.

At home I went on to my daily dose of picking my sons brain who I love to death but boy is he making me wanna bang my head into the wall!!! I don't like to be ignored every day. I hate having to repeat myself every day. I don't like it when you pretend I'm stupid. I especially don't like it when you act like YOU'RE stupid. He's one of the smartest kids I know (and no I'm not just saying that because he's MY, he IS very smart) so please oh god please stop trying to get away with stupid shit because you see other kids do it.

May I take your order please?
Oh yes you may. I would like a big fat plate of patience, covered with melted gouda cheese (just for the heck of it), a side of ignorance (which would make it much easier to deal with all these ppl around me), substitude the corn with some chill pills and for dessert a big bowl of fresh strawberries that haven't been purchased at the commissary (just because I've been craving them for so long and the commissary here NEVER has fresh and good quality strawberries, unless you consider rotten and moldy strawberries good quality).
Oh and if you could make me a triple sex on the beach, no alcohol but the same taste and affects as if it had alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol. MmmmK. That's it. Thanks.

Thank you God for giving me a wonderful husband who will quietely take my rants and anger at the world, who will still love me no matter what, because he took the time to know me. Thank you for making him love me for me and letting me love him in return.
Thank you for my wonderful children who drive me absolutely insane but then come up to me to "sprinkle love on my food" or tell me "to please don't make a pouty face, you gotta smile like this CHEEEEESE" when they know I'm having a shitty day (no joke, they do that sort of thing).
Thank you for the constant runs to the bathroom, the kicks on my blatter that ALMOST make me pee in my pants (I said ALMOST), the cervix pressure, the back aches, the fatigue, the terrible mood swings that even annoy myself, the achy feet, the fact that I tip over forward when bending down, that I'm out of breath when walking up and down our tiny stairwell. I thank you for putting that life inside of me. For my soon to be baby boy Little A.
Thank you for the few friends that stuck with me all these years. They, like my husband, actually KNOW who I am. And I know who they are :O)

I thank you with all my being for everything I have. For everything you put me through, good or bad. It has made me the person I am today.

When they push, when they pull, tell me can you hold on?
When they say you should change, can you lift your head high, and stay strong?
Will you give up, give in, when your hearts crying out that it's wrong?
Will you love you for you at the end of it all?
In life there's gonna be times when you're feeling low
And in your mind, insecurities seem to take control
We start to look outside ourselves for acceptance and approval
We keep forgetting that the one thing we should know is:
Don't be scared to fly alone
Find a path, that is your own
Love will open every door
It's in your hands, the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know
All the answers, they will unfold
What are you waiting for?
Spread your wings and soar


I am slowly drifting, into a peaceful breeze :O)
Peace out.