Fuck the "title" no one reads this shit anyway

I really don't enjoy "downer blogs" but for now I feel like I have to do something that'll help me pull myself together before I run to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes. YES. It's THAT bad. After 766 days - 2 years, 2 months and 4 days - I've been pushed that far over the edge that I just don't give a fuck anymore. All the reasons I quit in the first place are out the window, and I couldn't care less. There's only so much a person can take, only so much I can take without breaking. Sure you can break me, I'll just stitch myself right back up and keep going. It's just like my stupid toe that keeps on breaking over and over, it'll heal eventually. It never quite grows back the way it's supposed to but that's ok. It'll function until the next time I don't pay attention and just break it again. Difference here is though, I break my toe on ACCIDENT. I don't mean to break it. Maybe I wasn't supposed to get hurt either, but I do believe when you say things, do things, cause things to happen, knowing it's not fair to me, knowing it's not true and all it does, and therefor the only reason you're doing whatever it is you're doing, is to help YOU out, cause you're fake two faced bitch or you're simply a selfish asshole that doesn't want to be blamed for their mistakes or piss poor choices, you know it'll hurt me in some way. So you take that risk willingly. It's not that you made a choice and oops, you're oh so sorry this happened, you really didn't mean to. NO. FUCK YOU. You did mean it, so spare me your fake ass words coming out of your fake ass mouth. 

Why? Why would you purposely fuck someone over like that? Over and over? There aren't many answers to that question really.

A) you really really just don't give a shit about anyone but yourself

B) you're a coward and you just can't help it - your cowardly nature forces you to do cowardly things in a cowardly way

C) you do it knowing that you'll be forgiven. Because I'm dumb enough to forgive you. Again and again.

And that for one is true. I cut people way way WAY too much slack. I take way too much shit from friends and family because I don't like hurting people. Even when they deserve it, I just don't like going there. For some odd reason I think it's not ok to hurt people. What the hell is wrong with me??? Seriously. 

Alone today I had to put up with so much shit from people that are supposed to "love" me and should support me and be there for me and NOT sell me out and bring me down!  I'm sitting here keeping myself from throwing up cause I'm so fucking pissed. And there's just so much going thru my mind right now and Jesus Fucking Christ (shut it, Jesus loves me anyway) that makes me wanna curse the shit out of so many people on here right now, but NO, I'm so fucking stupid I still chose not to because it may hurt them. I don't have a fucking problem offending people, ha, I'm sure y'all know that by now. But this is different, 'cause it's serious. It's not something you just "get over". Breaking trust, breaking hearts, breaking faith, that's something you just don't get over.

But I guess I'll just suck it up and take one more for the team. For the greater good of whatever this is here. Talk your talk, do and say whatever makes you feel better. I'll take it, I'll get over it, I'll fix myself - yet again. I'll be ok, don't worry. After all, that's what I'm fucking known for, right? Let's throw all this shit at her and see how much she can take. And when we're done, and she's still somewhat on her feet, we'll throw some more. Fuck we'll take out a "shit loan" should we ever run out, just so we can throw some more fucking shit at her!!!!! 

Guess what? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU AND ESPECIALLY FUCK YOU!!!!

Now that that's said, I shall keep on walking with my head held high knowing that I'm better than this. That I deserve better than this and that one day I will finally be treated like I should be. 

Thanks for nothing. Oh yeah, and btw

I'm out fuckers.