warning! adult language! ah fuck it, like anyone actually gives a shit

Sooooooo

Where shall I begin? Ok. Let's cut right to the chase. 

Over the passed three days, I sat down to write my blog on at least 10 different occasions and never got to finish. And each time, once I got back to it, I realized it wasn't even worth writing about. Such petty fucking horse shit, it still sorta kinda blows my mind really.

No, I will not get back to what was going on and all that nonsense but if it wasn't for all the drama I wouldn't be sitting here right now thinking that the world could REALLY really go without all the drama, gossip and attention whores out there. Get a fucking life for fucks sake. 

But with every bad there's something good rising to the surface and I've heard some pretty neat things that have been said about me recently, and well this actually goes weeks back by now. But what the hell, let's dive right into it, shall we?

Now there's one thing that seems to be an issue with some of you bitches out there. My mouth. Well. How do I break this to you so you don't get your fucking panties in a bunch - once again. I QUITE FRANKLY DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU THINK! If you have a problem with the way I talk or with the fact that I don't tell you what you want to hear, move the fuck on. Get over it. Don't bother following me, stalking me, checking my pages, whatever it is that you do that makes you feel like my world solely revolves around your sorry ass and everything I say is about you. I hate to break it to you, but you're not the only dill hole out there that pisses me the fuck off! Share the lime light just a tad!

Like seriously now. I'm really getting tired of people asking if my facebook status is about them. What the fuck? If I wanted you to know it's about you, I would make damn sure you'd know. And if my status is about let's say, stupid people in general, and you go and ask me if it's about you, uhhhhm what does that tell you? EXACCCCCTLY! That you're STUPPPPPID! If my status is about cheating whores and you feel the need to ask me if it's about you, well, I guess that means you're a cheating fucking whore. I don't think I need to go on further, you should be getting my point by now. 

Stop making a fucking fool of yourself and get over it.

Ok. So like me, hate me, love me. Whatever. But if you act like i'm your "friend" or actually more like YOU are MY "friend", let's put a few things out in the open. 

Talking shit about me, my decisions, my opinions, my husband, my children, the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I live, even my stupid cats, anything or anyone in connection with moi, behind my back, does NOT make you a friend. It makes you a fucking two-faced, mendacious cunt and unworthy of my time. Uuuuhhhhhhhh OH MY GOD she just said the C word, now I can't possibly follow her blog anymore... Botothefuckinghoo 

Talking shit about me, my decisions, my opinions, my husband, my children, the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I live, even my stupid cats, anything or anyone in connection with moi, to my face, makes you a fucking AWESOME friend.

See in my world, a true friend is a friend who will tell you to your face you're stupid. They'll tell you when you're being a bitch, they'll put you in your place when you're crossing a line. And in return, you'll be grateful for such friends and you'll repay them with the same amount of bluntness and that's what keeps a good friendship going. For years and years to come. True friends actually do like you for WHO you are. Not for what you can do for them, what advantage you'll bring them. It's not about you kissing their ass. Bitches, if you need shit catered to you and people to seriously kiss your ass, get fucking rich and famous and hire some foreigners to do that shit for you. (Oh no she's a fucking racist. NO bitch. I'm a foreigner myself. Therefor I own the right to make fucking foreigner jokes whenever the hell I want to. Get the fuck over it!)

In the adult world we also don't have to play stupid little games and exaggerate and dramatize our stories so others will believe us over somebody else or or or to get attention 'cause our lives are so miserably boring that we simply don't see no other way other than make up shit *frantically claps both her hands in excitement*

  Oh Jesus fucking Christ (and yes I JUST DID say Jesus and fucking AAAAND Christ all in one sentence and yes I know I'm going to hell for that, who's coming with me and who's bringing the booze?) why do people like me have to deal with people like you? It's just, it's, it's just so fucking unnecessary and unproductive.

Now what I REALLLLLLLY don't get is why you even put up with me. Why and I really mean WHY is it, that people who having absolutely nothing good to say about you, seem so obsessed with everything you do or say. If what I have to say offends you oh so deeply and makes you tinkle your panties, why don't you just walk the fuck away from it then? I'm rude, I'm disrespectful, I'm mean and hurtful, I'm a bitch... Heard it all. My question is though, why the fuck are you still here then? I have never ever made anyone believe, for whatever stupid reason, that I'm this sweet and innocent ass kissing little girl who will always just nod in agreement. That is so not me. And never will be. 

One last thing I need to point out. When I do tell you you're a childish little insecure bitch, or whatever my choice of words may have been, it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't like you. It just means that I don't like the way you're presenting yourself... Haha. Well in some rare cases it does mean that I don't like you but usually people affected by that, realize that fairly quick and leave me the fuck alone. 

Long story short. Stop being pathetic and either suck it the fuck up or suck it the fuck up. That simple :O) I am who I am and I love myself for that. Cocky? Not at all. 

Quick shout outs before I call it a night. 

Jeannette S., for being an awesome motivator in so many ways. I can't believe you're actually sorta kinda my boss nowadays but I wouldn't wanna have it any other way. 

Irma S., for getting me freebies (haha) and being a hoe through and through and for getting me. Hooker, you truly DO get me and my wicked sense of humor or whatever that is. 

Jessica C., I'm telling you, Jesus is ok with it! But maybe you could say an extra prayer for me just to make sure :O) <<<< that's me apologizing for being a bad sheep

I love you all, haters and lovers (that totally just made me sound like a whore didn't it?), hookers, bitches and hoes.

Until next time. 

I'm out. 

Censorship sucks fucking ass

It's 2011 and our lives seem to revolve around Facebook 24/7. Hey I'm not complaining, after all I'm the one who kept everyone updated on my labor process and told my husband "quick take a picture of him, I gotta update my Facebook" before I was even stitched up. Yes. I'm a Facebook junkie and I ain't afraid to say it!

But see, it's one thing to share your life with friends and family. But what's with all this fucking drama? Ok. Let me give you a heads up. I may be about to say a thing or two that pertains to you, but for fucks sake, if you're not wearing your big girl panties you might as well just go ahead and stop reading now. So. Panty-check! You good? Alright.
Ok first of all. If you are sick of certain people on your Facebook, delete them. Why do people feel the need to announce to us all that they're going to clean up their friends list and get everyone all "scared" like "oh my god, oh my god I hope I make the cut, whatever shall I do if I get deleted?" Then, they announce they're done and "if you can see this" you got lucky. Holy fucking shit now are we all special or what? Suddenly my life has a meaning, I now know why I'm alive!
What a load of fucking puppy doodoo!!!!! If you feel the need to delete me because I gave you a heartfelt piece of my sick and twisted mind and you didn't like it for the sole reason of you being stupid, then for fucks sake please oh god please delete me already!!!!

Now let's move on to my actual "issue". If you're a "friend" on my Facebook page, and for some odd reason you don't like what I have to say, you are more than welcome to point that out. Not saying I'm gonna give a shit but I guess it's worth trying and I AM indeed mature enough to admit when I'm wrong. However, if you seriously have an issue with me expressing myself in a way my mother didn't teach me, then well, suck it the fuck up. I'm not here to please YOU!
"you're a mother, you shouldn't be saying such things"
Looky here hoe, I don't know what your life is like but I DO have a lot of built up anger and frustration, I don't get why people think telling me I'm an "angry person" is gonna change anything haha But really now, this holding back shit isn't working for me and it's definitely NOT healthy so. So now may be the perfect time for you to "delete" me (NOOOOO!!! Please don't do it!!! Bohoooo).
"oh it's just Facebook, we're still friends in real life" uhmmm NOOOOO. What part of me admitting that Facebook has taken over my life, didn't you get? Facebook and my "real life" are one. I'm an addict and I don't plan on going to rehab.
And uhm, I'm no different in real life than I am on fb. Quite frankly, I think it's save to say, I'm probably even worse in person.

Bottom line, get over your fucking self or kiss my motherly white ass!

Over and out bitches!

Just in case you didn't know this...

F.U.C.K.

It's Saturday morning. And as usual I'm hiding out in my bedroom, taking care of the baby while dealing with this pounding in my head. Tristan and Mimi have been doing nothing but screaming and whining and crying and throwing bitch fits, for the past two hours, and over what? Well they have to clean up their rooms. I know right? What horrible mother makes their children clean up their own fucking mess?
I swear there isn't a Saturday that goes by where this shit goes down and I've seriously just had it! 

It's not THAT fucking hard! Pick it up, put it where it goes! Done! 

I mean it's not like I expect them to clean the windows or mop the floors or something. I simply want them to pick up after themselves. That's it. But NOOOOO!! 

I need someone to rewrite "Go the fuck to sleep!"!!!! I seriously need one for each irritating area when it comes to raising children! 

Go clean up your fucking room!

Get the fuck out of bed or you'll be late for school!

Eat your fucking dinner!

Stop your fucking whining/arguing/fighting!

Put some fucking clothes on (teenage edition)!

And last but not least:

Watch your fucking attitude!! As long as you're living under my roof I'm the only one who gets to have a fucking attitude around here!!!

Is it fucking Monday yet???

What the hell was I thinking staying gone for this long?

For fucks sake someone tell me how I've made it this long without bitching publicly about all the little things that make me wanna shoot people in the face for being stupid?!

I have a couple of questions I desperately need answers to. Feel free to comment below. Or don't. It's not like I really care anyway :O)

1. Why do people think it's ok to talk shit about someone behind their back? And I mean if you do so, can you at least be smart enough to make sure the ones you're talking shit about don't find out? Sweetie, there's no such thing as a "I won't tell" rule in life. People always tell. Just like you told them "but you can't tell anyone", they're gonna turn around telling the next in line "but you really can't tell anyone". What the fuck I mean haven't you learned anything growing up? And shoot, ok, so there's the ones you talk shit about that you don't actually like and you don't even hang out with. But then there are the ones you claim to be your "friends" (these poor bastards). Jealousy can be a bitch I know, I know. It's hard to keep up and it's hard to compete or feeling like you have to but come on. You sit down with them, you have a good time and next best chance you get, you make sure you trash talk her like there's no tomorrow. Now there's one thing you need to know about ME. And there are a few individuals out there who just don't want to fucking get this, so let me make you understand this! If you, for whatever stupid fucking reason, decide to go behind my back, and talk shit about me or my family, you better make sure you have a damn good reason, some damn good running shoes and jesus christ choose only words you'd repeat when looking me straight in the eyes. If you can't say it to my face, it'd sure as hell be better for your own well being if you didn't say it at all.

2. Why do people, who don't have any children, feel the need to give ME parenting advice. Now first of all, I am well aware I'm not perfect. I have my flaws and get reminded more than enough that I could do a lot better, but ya know, my children are (somewhat) well behaved, they're clean, they're well dressed, again (somewhat) well mannered, they are fed, the ones still in diapers don't run around in the same diaper all day, my house is clean and they do get enough fresh air. I do have a temper and yes I need to control my choice of words BUT as previously stated, my children are well taken care of and I don't physically punish my children. So for heavens sake, when I FINALLY make it to the check out after a 90 minute trip to the Commissary, that could have been over and done with in 20 minutes if the two older ones would have been in school, but damn of course it's sunday when i run out of everyfuckingthing so I don't have much of a choice but to take all three (and yes mr and mrs know it all, that is poor weekly planning on my end but guess what FUCK YOU, you're more than welcome to trade places with me and see if you'd do better). So after 90 minutes of going from being annoyed to irritated, angry, pissed, frustrated and just plain fed up, after begging (on both counts) and compromising, giving in and deals that are only made to be broken 5 seconds later (and that wouldn't be on my end, just to clear that one up), I just wanna get the hell out of there. So waiting until all your crap has been rang up and packed in bags just seems endless while these monsters are throwing bitch fits because they didn't get a treat. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK ARE YOU SERIOUS??? You made me wanna shoot myself at least 736 times within the last 90 minutes and now you want to be rewarded??? So slowly, I crumble and I'm seriously about to just break down in tears, begging my 3 year old (3 going on 30) to just give me a break and to stop screaming and crying, when this barely legal GIRL behind me smiles and says "awwwwww you'll be alright MOM! I don't have any kids of my own but I have 27 kids that I teach so I know what it's like"
I looked at her. And that's really all I could do. Out of all people in this world who think they always know everything better, the one WHO DOESN'T HAVE ANY KIDS OF HER OWN thinks she can make me feel better 'cause she KNOWS what it's like? Because for a couple of hours a day she desperately tries to get the attention of some kids but in the end thinks, "ah whatever, you're not really my problem anyway", then goes home to sit on her couch to watch some stupid movie  and enjoys the rest of her day in SILENCE, you think because of THAT you KNOW what it's like? Sure, calm down woman, she was just trying to be nice. But to all these people out there who don't have any children. When you see a parent in a store, with numerous children with the main purpose of making their parents' day as miserable as possible, do NOT, and I mean it, do NOT think there's ANYTHING YOU could say to make them feel better!!!! Before they were just jealous and thinking "damn I wish I was as lucky as that bitch and wouldn't have to drag these monsters around", but NOW, now they HATE you for it with every fiber of their being! Trust me, you just don't wanna go there!!! Just look away. Nobody likes it when people give them the "oh my god, what a terrible mother, why is she letting that poor innocent child cry?" look.
Yes I do love my children more than words can say. But I have been considering an ad in the newspaper. "free to good home". Just kidding. Well, not really.

3. And this will be my last small rant for tonight. People. Learn how to fucking park!!!
I've gone as far as buying a sticker for our car that I put in the middle of the window on Adrian's side, that reads "BABY INSIDE". Now I thought people would get the message but I think I really need to get a new one that's a little more direct "Look bitch. My mom needs more than just an inch to open this door to lift me chubby chubster with my infant car seat into the car without slamming the door into yours. So you can either back it up and try to park like a person with more than 5 remaining brain cells, or consider the dent in your car a token of our gratitude!" Don't ask me how many times I got completely parked in at Mimi's PRESCHOOL - where people really should know better.


Lesson of the day: you just can't fix stupid.

 

Take that suckers!

No wonder woman

I know at times I may seem like this tough bitch who just doesn't quite seem to give a shit, that absolutely nothing can break her.
So this may come as a surprise to some but, I'm only human and I'm no fucking wonder woman! Well maybe I kinda am. But I have a heart that is easily broken. I have feelings that get hurt by your actions, and words.

I can put up with a lot of shit. I can deal with a lot of things many wouldn't be able to, even though they carry less than half of my load and I still manage to see the world in bright colors which is mainly thanks to my wicked and awkward sense of humor and my I-really-could-care-less-what-you-think attitude.

Ok. I AM wonder woman. But, only in a sense that you will never understand.

Be advised that your actions have consequences. If you feel the need to talk about me, you better make sure you only say things you'd say to my face without shitting your pants.
If you feel the need to talk behind my back, go right ahead but make sure you watch yours...

Don't take me and my kindness for granted. I can be sweet, I can be caring. But I sure as hell can fuck you up and make you wish you'd never met me, faster than you'd ever imagine.

I'm done being nice.
The well balanced me has officially left the building.
The bitch is back.

To be continued...