F.U.C.K.

It's Saturday morning. And as usual I'm hiding out in my bedroom, taking care of the baby while dealing with this pounding in my head. Tristan and Mimi have been doing nothing but screaming and whining and crying and throwing bitch fits, for the past two hours, and over what? Well they have to clean up their rooms. I know right? What horrible mother makes their children clean up their own fucking mess?
I swear there isn't a Saturday that goes by where this shit goes down and I've seriously just had it! 

It's not THAT fucking hard! Pick it up, put it where it goes! Done! 

I mean it's not like I expect them to clean the windows or mop the floors or something. I simply want them to pick up after themselves. That's it. But NOOOOO!! 

I need someone to rewrite "Go the fuck to sleep!"!!!! I seriously need one for each irritating area when it comes to raising children! 

Go clean up your fucking room!

Get the fuck out of bed or you'll be late for school!

Eat your fucking dinner!

Stop your fucking whining/arguing/fighting!

Put some fucking clothes on (teenage edition)!

And last but not least:

Watch your fucking attitude!! As long as you're living under my roof I'm the only one who gets to have a fucking attitude around here!!!

Is it fucking Monday yet???

What the hell was I thinking staying gone for this long?

For fucks sake someone tell me how I've made it this long without bitching publicly about all the little things that make me wanna shoot people in the face for being stupid?!

I have a couple of questions I desperately need answers to. Feel free to comment below. Or don't. It's not like I really care anyway :O)

1. Why do people think it's ok to talk shit about someone behind their back? And I mean if you do so, can you at least be smart enough to make sure the ones you're talking shit about don't find out? Sweetie, there's no such thing as a "I won't tell" rule in life. People always tell. Just like you told them "but you can't tell anyone", they're gonna turn around telling the next in line "but you really can't tell anyone". What the fuck I mean haven't you learned anything growing up? And shoot, ok, so there's the ones you talk shit about that you don't actually like and you don't even hang out with. But then there are the ones you claim to be your "friends" (these poor bastards). Jealousy can be a bitch I know, I know. It's hard to keep up and it's hard to compete or feeling like you have to but come on. You sit down with them, you have a good time and next best chance you get, you make sure you trash talk her like there's no tomorrow. Now there's one thing you need to know about ME. And there are a few individuals out there who just don't want to fucking get this, so let me make you understand this! If you, for whatever stupid fucking reason, decide to go behind my back, and talk shit about me or my family, you better make sure you have a damn good reason, some damn good running shoes and jesus christ choose only words you'd repeat when looking me straight in the eyes. If you can't say it to my face, it'd sure as hell be better for your own well being if you didn't say it at all.

2. Why do people, who don't have any children, feel the need to give ME parenting advice. Now first of all, I am well aware I'm not perfect. I have my flaws and get reminded more than enough that I could do a lot better, but ya know, my children are (somewhat) well behaved, they're clean, they're well dressed, again (somewhat) well mannered, they are fed, the ones still in diapers don't run around in the same diaper all day, my house is clean and they do get enough fresh air. I do have a temper and yes I need to control my choice of words BUT as previously stated, my children are well taken care of and I don't physically punish my children. So for heavens sake, when I FINALLY make it to the check out after a 90 minute trip to the Commissary, that could have been over and done with in 20 minutes if the two older ones would have been in school, but damn of course it's sunday when i run out of everyfuckingthing so I don't have much of a choice but to take all three (and yes mr and mrs know it all, that is poor weekly planning on my end but guess what FUCK YOU, you're more than welcome to trade places with me and see if you'd do better). So after 90 minutes of going from being annoyed to irritated, angry, pissed, frustrated and just plain fed up, after begging (on both counts) and compromising, giving in and deals that are only made to be broken 5 seconds later (and that wouldn't be on my end, just to clear that one up), I just wanna get the hell out of there. So waiting until all your crap has been rang up and packed in bags just seems endless while these monsters are throwing bitch fits because they didn't get a treat. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK ARE YOU SERIOUS??? You made me wanna shoot myself at least 736 times within the last 90 minutes and now you want to be rewarded??? So slowly, I crumble and I'm seriously about to just break down in tears, begging my 3 year old (3 going on 30) to just give me a break and to stop screaming and crying, when this barely legal GIRL behind me smiles and says "awwwwww you'll be alright MOM! I don't have any kids of my own but I have 27 kids that I teach so I know what it's like"
I looked at her. And that's really all I could do. Out of all people in this world who think they always know everything better, the one WHO DOESN'T HAVE ANY KIDS OF HER OWN thinks she can make me feel better 'cause she KNOWS what it's like? Because for a couple of hours a day she desperately tries to get the attention of some kids but in the end thinks, "ah whatever, you're not really my problem anyway", then goes home to sit on her couch to watch some stupid movie  and enjoys the rest of her day in SILENCE, you think because of THAT you KNOW what it's like? Sure, calm down woman, she was just trying to be nice. But to all these people out there who don't have any children. When you see a parent in a store, with numerous children with the main purpose of making their parents' day as miserable as possible, do NOT, and I mean it, do NOT think there's ANYTHING YOU could say to make them feel better!!!! Before they were just jealous and thinking "damn I wish I was as lucky as that bitch and wouldn't have to drag these monsters around", but NOW, now they HATE you for it with every fiber of their being! Trust me, you just don't wanna go there!!! Just look away. Nobody likes it when people give them the "oh my god, what a terrible mother, why is she letting that poor innocent child cry?" look.
Yes I do love my children more than words can say. But I have been considering an ad in the newspaper. "free to good home". Just kidding. Well, not really.

3. And this will be my last small rant for tonight. People. Learn how to fucking park!!!
I've gone as far as buying a sticker for our car that I put in the middle of the window on Adrian's side, that reads "BABY INSIDE". Now I thought people would get the message but I think I really need to get a new one that's a little more direct "Look bitch. My mom needs more than just an inch to open this door to lift me chubby chubster with my infant car seat into the car without slamming the door into yours. So you can either back it up and try to park like a person with more than 5 remaining brain cells, or consider the dent in your car a token of our gratitude!" Don't ask me how many times I got completely parked in at Mimi's PRESCHOOL - where people really should know better.


Lesson of the day: you just can't fix stupid.

 

Take that suckers!

No wonder woman

I know at times I may seem like this tough bitch who just doesn't quite seem to give a shit, that absolutely nothing can break her.
So this may come as a surprise to some but, I'm only human and I'm no fucking wonder woman! Well maybe I kinda am. But I have a heart that is easily broken. I have feelings that get hurt by your actions, and words.

I can put up with a lot of shit. I can deal with a lot of things many wouldn't be able to, even though they carry less than half of my load and I still manage to see the world in bright colors which is mainly thanks to my wicked and awkward sense of humor and my I-really-could-care-less-what-you-think attitude.

Ok. I AM wonder woman. But, only in a sense that you will never understand.

Be advised that your actions have consequences. If you feel the need to talk about me, you better make sure you only say things you'd say to my face without shitting your pants.
If you feel the need to talk behind my back, go right ahead but make sure you watch yours...

Don't take me and my kindness for granted. I can be sweet, I can be caring. But I sure as hell can fuck you up and make you wish you'd never met me, faster than you'd ever imagine.

I'm done being nice.
The well balanced me has officially left the building.
The bitch is back.

To be continued...

Stitch by stitch and one day at a time

Through hell and back, heart torn out,
You uncover what's beneath my skin
There and back, there's no doubt, your touch is my medicine

I'll be okay, 'cause you heal me...

And I'll give you all my pieces broken
In your hands, there's nothing that you can't fix
My heart is frayed, my scars are open
So put me back together now, stitch by stitch
Put me back together now, stitch by stitch.

He's gone. Again. At 04:45 this morning we made the drive to LA to drop of my husband to finish his tour in Korea. He walked off and left me and the kids behind. Not by choice and definitely not without broken hearts. 

It just doesn't get any easier it seems. He's been to Iraq, twice. Afghanistan. We've been through worse that's for sure. Yet this time around, today, it seemed like it's the worst it's ever been. I think the more you love someone, the happier you are, the more and worst it'll hit you. 

I can't put into words how heart broken I am today. It hurts. Beyond words. 

I gotta give myself a couple of days to adjust to this and then - finally - get back to writing... 

Until then ... 

Best regards, 

Stefanie Adams-Figueroa 

"if you only have love for your own race, then you only leave space to discriminate" 

The reason

May I introduce to you the reason for my absence:

Adrian Alexander
Born June 30th, 2011
@10:49pm
8lbs 11oz
21.1 inches

Little too late

I have to rant for a minute and just say that I find it truly sad and somewhat disgusting how certain people start asking me NOW when I'm due, if my husband will be home anytime soon and who is taking care of my other kids while I'm in the hospital.

Can't handle my bitchy attitude? Well excuse the hell out of me but I am a little hurt that for the passed 9 months I didn't matter and no one gave a shit about me, my husband and kids and the fact that we were told our baby was dead when he wasn't.

No one bothered on your end. No one ever asked how we were. How we were dealing.

After we found out that it was a false diagnosis and our baby was alive as can be, it seemed like nobody cared anymore to even ask if we needed anything so far away from anyone.
I know there's been other "big events" and "great changes" on your end but
I am still waiting on anyone of you to ask at least about the kids and how they've been handling their daddy leaving in early march. Well don't ask now, if you truly cared it wouldn't take me ranting for you to realize that you have failed them.

Oh and I don't mean to worry you seeing how your life must be so darn busy, but I'm GBS positive which isn't something you wanna hear when you're about to give birth and our SON (yes you can stop calling him "it") may have downs. You'd know all these things if you would be an active part of my life, our life.

And sadly, the kids have had the worst time with their dad being gone, they have been on their worst behavior which is normal but it'd be pretty effin awesome if you'd stop calling them the best behaved kids a mother could ask for and telling me I'm a shitty mom and that I'm ungrateful and all I ever do is complain about them. What do YOU know? You know absolutely nothing!

I've been losing weight due to all the stress rather than gaining. I've been a wreck but I've made it. I'm here, I'm alive, so are the kids.

So. Let's make one thing clear. I appreciate the "nice gesture" of now trying to show an interest because you know it must be about "that time" now and neighbors and friends who know me are probably asking you "so did she have the baby yet" and it probably makes you feel like a complete moron not knowing the answer, but I can clearly live without your dumb questions and your false pretends.

Like I said my husband made it home on Tuesday, the kids are in heaven and won't let him out of his sight! I take in every second I can having him home! We are happy as can be!
His mom is coming in today, she's taking care of the kids while I'm in the hospital with my husband by my side. Yes, THAT'S one thing you forgot to ask, it's not just about who takes the kids it's also about who gives ME some support while giving birth.
When she leaves his dad will stay with us for a couple of days. On the 17th of July it'll be back to being just the kids and me. But I'm sure THAT you'll forget as well, just as you did when he left in march. But that's ok. I really didn't expect much to begin with but it just irritates me beyond words when all of the sudden people pretend that they care. Two days before my due date is kinda late don't you think?

Usually I'd say better late than never, in this case it's different. Sometimes "never" would be the better choice.

End of rant.

Best regards,
Stefanie Adams-Figueroa 

"if you only have love for your own race, then you only leave space to discriminate" 