Happy Fucking New Year

A little less than two hours left in 2011 and I'm pretty much forcing myself to stay awake. I really don't have any reason to though. It's just me and the kiddos, which are all passed out, so what I should be doing is go to bed. Instead I decided to reflect a little on this past year...

2011 was definitely a year of change. Good and bad. It's been a year of growth on my end. 

They say a woman changes every 7 years. Well, it's save to say that that's pretty much what I did in 2011...

I've had my low points, and lord knows I've had plenty of those, but I've somehow managed to pull myself back up over and over to enjoy every second of many amazing moments. And at this point I have to take a minute and thank the people involved, who always stood beside me. I know I wouldn't be where I'm at today without you, and it may not seem like you've done anything special, but just being there and listening, actually really listening, has helped me so much. Understanding. Giving advice - whether I liked it or not. I know there's probably 20 if not more reading this and padding themselves on the shoulder thinking "yes, she's talking about ME! I've been such a great friend bla bla bla". And if this were a facebook status, they'd "like" it to show me "they know" I'm referring to them. Nothing like that is needed here... 

I know you don't really need me to say this but I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for standing by me through and through. This year has definitely proven once and for all that it's always gonna come down to the same people. And I'm more than grateful that it's you...

To clear a couple of things up. I don't have anger issues. I'm not bitter. I don't hate my life. I'm not a backstabber. I'm not a bitch - well define "bitch". I'm not depressed. I'm not whatever negative bullshit you're making up to make yourself feel better.
I just don't enjoy being lied to. I can't stand it when people talk shit behind my back to make themselves look all high and mighty. I'm not much into toxic friendships and I'm sick of drama queens and attention seeking whores - which by the way goes for males and females. I don't like to be disrespected or taken advantage of. Fake cunts piss me the fuck off. Again, NO, I don't have anger issues :O)

Yes, I've changed. I'm no longer just sitting back watching people walk all over me. And at some point in my life, I had to make the decision that that even goes for family. Which I understand, pisses most of them the hell off and people around me judge me for that. But you know, if people who are considered family can't take me for who I am, if they can't love me just the way I am, why do I have to let that affect me? Why am I expected to change to their liking? 

All my life I've lived for others. I've always put myself in the background and made sure everyone else got what they needed and that they were happy. I avoided confrontation, which, yes I still do mostly but I'm getting there. 

Call it midlife crisis if you must, but I'm not getting any younger here. I don't want to spend the next 20 years of my life pleasing everyone else around me just so I can wake up one day realizing I've wasted my best years doing just that. I don't regret being there for everyone or any of that, don't get me wrong. But for me to be happy inside and out, I need to finally put myself first. And I understand that it'll take time to adjust for some, and I hope they will, just quit calling me all these names for fucks sake :O) 

I've met some amazing new people this year. I've also met a couple I can't wait to get rid off at some point 'cause they're just sucking the life right out of me. But, as it takes time to let people in to your life, it takes time to show them the door... 

On a positive note, I don't think I've ever met as many awesome fucking people in just one year than I have in 2011. What I value most is that they get me. Maybe it's just easier 'cause they didn't know me before so there wasn't that transition time that so many seem to have an issue with. But seriously. I'm enjoying this, whatever "this" is. This "journey" that I'm on I guess you could say. 

In 2011 I've learned that, you can't expect people to understand your point of view if you're afraid to speak up.

I've learned that I don't have to be afraid of who I am, 'cause I'm not all that bad. 

I've learned that you always have to expect the unexpected. 

You have to take the good with the bad. 

You have to hurt first to know what love feels like. 

Epidurals are fucking awesome when placed correctly.

Almost everything tastes better with BBQ sauce on it.

I've learned that a third child does make a huge difference - and everyone else who thinks otherwise is a fucking dumbass.

That I have a potty mouth.

I've learned that I have way too many stalkers on my facebook - and I mean seriously, some of you need to get over your fucking selves and stop telling others to stalk my page and then report back to them, 'cause that's just fucking beyond pathetic and sorta creepy at the same time!

I <3 facebook.

Always wipe finger prints off your plasma tv right when you notice them, don't get distracted, cause you WILL forget and they WILL stay there and you WILL have a pissed off husband especially when he has to find out about it on your blog (mimi did it). 

Life can be a fucking bitch. 

But most importantly, I've learned that without faith, you're pretty much screwed... 

Hence why this chicken shit aka moi is going to get her first tattoo, at the age of ALMOST 30 (pathetic, right?) and it'll simply say "faith". Just so I can remind myself on a daily basis, that that's pretty much all it comes down to in the end. Now the question is what part of my body it'll end up... 

Well. 2011 it's been a blast. Thank you for making this the probably most memorable year so far. Here's to 2012, let the journey continue...

So long fuckers <3 

Fuck the "title" no one reads this shit anyway

I really don't enjoy "downer blogs" but for now I feel like I have to do something that'll help me pull myself together before I run to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes. YES. It's THAT bad. After 766 days - 2 years, 2 months and 4 days - I've been pushed that far over the edge that I just don't give a fuck anymore. All the reasons I quit in the first place are out the window, and I couldn't care less. There's only so much a person can take, only so much I can take without breaking. Sure you can break me, I'll just stitch myself right back up and keep going. It's just like my stupid toe that keeps on breaking over and over, it'll heal eventually. It never quite grows back the way it's supposed to but that's ok. It'll function until the next time I don't pay attention and just break it again. Difference here is though, I break my toe on ACCIDENT. I don't mean to break it. Maybe I wasn't supposed to get hurt either, but I do believe when you say things, do things, cause things to happen, knowing it's not fair to me, knowing it's not true and all it does, and therefor the only reason you're doing whatever it is you're doing, is to help YOU out, cause you're fake two faced bitch or you're simply a selfish asshole that doesn't want to be blamed for their mistakes or piss poor choices, you know it'll hurt me in some way. So you take that risk willingly. It's not that you made a choice and oops, you're oh so sorry this happened, you really didn't mean to. NO. FUCK YOU. You did mean it, so spare me your fake ass words coming out of your fake ass mouth. 

Why? Why would you purposely fuck someone over like that? Over and over? There aren't many answers to that question really.

A) you really really just don't give a shit about anyone but yourself

B) you're a coward and you just can't help it - your cowardly nature forces you to do cowardly things in a cowardly way

C) you do it knowing that you'll be forgiven. Because I'm dumb enough to forgive you. Again and again.

And that for one is true. I cut people way way WAY too much slack. I take way too much shit from friends and family because I don't like hurting people. Even when they deserve it, I just don't like going there. For some odd reason I think it's not ok to hurt people. What the hell is wrong with me??? Seriously. 

Alone today I had to put up with so much shit from people that are supposed to "love" me and should support me and be there for me and NOT sell me out and bring me down!  I'm sitting here keeping myself from throwing up cause I'm so fucking pissed. And there's just so much going thru my mind right now and Jesus Fucking Christ (shut it, Jesus loves me anyway) that makes me wanna curse the shit out of so many people on here right now, but NO, I'm so fucking stupid I still chose not to because it may hurt them. I don't have a fucking problem offending people, ha, I'm sure y'all know that by now. But this is different, 'cause it's serious. It's not something you just "get over". Breaking trust, breaking hearts, breaking faith, that's something you just don't get over.

But I guess I'll just suck it up and take one more for the team. For the greater good of whatever this is here. Talk your talk, do and say whatever makes you feel better. I'll take it, I'll get over it, I'll fix myself - yet again. I'll be ok, don't worry. After all, that's what I'm fucking known for, right? Let's throw all this shit at her and see how much she can take. And when we're done, and she's still somewhat on her feet, we'll throw some more. Fuck we'll take out a "shit loan" should we ever run out, just so we can throw some more fucking shit at her!!!!! 

Guess what? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU AND ESPECIALLY FUCK YOU!!!!

Now that that's said, I shall keep on walking with my head held high knowing that I'm better than this. That I deserve better than this and that one day I will finally be treated like I should be. 

Thanks for nothing. Oh yeah, and btw

I'm out fuckers. 

And the winner is...

I have come to the conclusion that my two older kids have their mind set on driving their mother to the point of full insanity in the shortest amount of time.

It's what gets them out of bed in the morning and keeps them going throughout the day.

Whatever mom says, let's NOT do it. And when she tells us again and again and again, let's still NOT do it. Let's fight constantly, and yell and scream at each other. Let's always tell on each other and definitely over and over so she doesn't forget we're here. Never pick up our belongings and make sure we disregard all warnings that if she finds our toys spread across the house again, they'll end up in the trash - like she would ever do such thing! Always remain absolutely out of control when in public but especially when at the grocery store after "pinky promising" in the car that this trip would be different and not end up with tears - her tears, not ours. We must nag her constantly about how boring and miserable our lives are due to her lack of splitting herself between three kids and the little things she does. Cause I mean really, if she can stay up until after midnight on most days and be wide awake at 6am and that after being up at least twice each night playing with the baby, well she clearly didn't do much all day or else she'd be tired and go to bed when we do. Never should be forget to always demand things like extra time, wanting new things, her taking us out to the movies and of course being paid an allowance for chores we NEVER do.

Clearly. I deserve the "mom you fucking suck" award for the year 2011. And surely if I keep this shit up, I'll be the runner up for next years title before 2012 even begins.

And let's not get into the "shitty wife of the century" award. Looks like I got that one covered as well.

Well. At least now I can't say I never win.

Over and out fuckers.

warning! adult language! ah fuck it, like anyone actually gives a shit

Sooooooo

Where shall I begin? Ok. Let's cut right to the chase. 

Over the passed three days, I sat down to write my blog on at least 10 different occasions and never got to finish. And each time, once I got back to it, I realized it wasn't even worth writing about. Such petty fucking horse shit, it still sorta kinda blows my mind really.

No, I will not get back to what was going on and all that nonsense but if it wasn't for all the drama I wouldn't be sitting here right now thinking that the world could REALLY really go without all the drama, gossip and attention whores out there. Get a fucking life for fucks sake. 

But with every bad there's something good rising to the surface and I've heard some pretty neat things that have been said about me recently, and well this actually goes weeks back by now. But what the hell, let's dive right into it, shall we?

Now there's one thing that seems to be an issue with some of you bitches out there. My mouth. Well. How do I break this to you so you don't get your fucking panties in a bunch - once again. I QUITE FRANKLY DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU THINK! If you have a problem with the way I talk or with the fact that I don't tell you what you want to hear, move the fuck on. Get over it. Don't bother following me, stalking me, checking my pages, whatever it is that you do that makes you feel like my world solely revolves around your sorry ass and everything I say is about you. I hate to break it to you, but you're not the only dill hole out there that pisses me the fuck off! Share the lime light just a tad!

Like seriously now. I'm really getting tired of people asking if my facebook status is about them. What the fuck? If I wanted you to know it's about you, I would make damn sure you'd know. And if my status is about let's say, stupid people in general, and you go and ask me if it's about you, uhhhhm what does that tell you? EXACCCCCTLY! That you're STUPPPPPID! If my status is about cheating whores and you feel the need to ask me if it's about you, well, I guess that means you're a cheating fucking whore. I don't think I need to go on further, you should be getting my point by now. 

Stop making a fucking fool of yourself and get over it.

Ok. So like me, hate me, love me. Whatever. But if you act like i'm your "friend" or actually more like YOU are MY "friend", let's put a few things out in the open. 

Talking shit about me, my decisions, my opinions, my husband, my children, the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I live, even my stupid cats, anything or anyone in connection with moi, behind my back, does NOT make you a friend. It makes you a fucking two-faced, mendacious cunt and unworthy of my time. Uuuuhhhhhhhh OH MY GOD she just said the C word, now I can't possibly follow her blog anymore... Botothefuckinghoo 

Talking shit about me, my decisions, my opinions, my husband, my children, the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I live, even my stupid cats, anything or anyone in connection with moi, to my face, makes you a fucking AWESOME friend.

See in my world, a true friend is a friend who will tell you to your face you're stupid. They'll tell you when you're being a bitch, they'll put you in your place when you're crossing a line. And in return, you'll be grateful for such friends and you'll repay them with the same amount of bluntness and that's what keeps a good friendship going. For years and years to come. True friends actually do like you for WHO you are. Not for what you can do for them, what advantage you'll bring them. It's not about you kissing their ass. Bitches, if you need shit catered to you and people to seriously kiss your ass, get fucking rich and famous and hire some foreigners to do that shit for you. (Oh no she's a fucking racist. NO bitch. I'm a foreigner myself. Therefor I own the right to make fucking foreigner jokes whenever the hell I want to. Get the fuck over it!)

In the adult world we also don't have to play stupid little games and exaggerate and dramatize our stories so others will believe us over somebody else or or or to get attention 'cause our lives are so miserably boring that we simply don't see no other way other than make up shit *frantically claps both her hands in excitement*

  Oh Jesus fucking Christ (and yes I JUST DID say Jesus and fucking AAAAND Christ all in one sentence and yes I know I'm going to hell for that, who's coming with me and who's bringing the booze?) why do people like me have to deal with people like you? It's just, it's, it's just so fucking unnecessary and unproductive.

Now what I REALLLLLLLY don't get is why you even put up with me. Why and I really mean WHY is it, that people who having absolutely nothing good to say about you, seem so obsessed with everything you do or say. If what I have to say offends you oh so deeply and makes you tinkle your panties, why don't you just walk the fuck away from it then? I'm rude, I'm disrespectful, I'm mean and hurtful, I'm a bitch... Heard it all. My question is though, why the fuck are you still here then? I have never ever made anyone believe, for whatever stupid reason, that I'm this sweet and innocent ass kissing little girl who will always just nod in agreement. That is so not me. And never will be. 

One last thing I need to point out. When I do tell you you're a childish little insecure bitch, or whatever my choice of words may have been, it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't like you. It just means that I don't like the way you're presenting yourself... Haha. Well in some rare cases it does mean that I don't like you but usually people affected by that, realize that fairly quick and leave me the fuck alone. 

Long story short. Stop being pathetic and either suck it the fuck up or suck it the fuck up. That simple :O) I am who I am and I love myself for that. Cocky? Not at all. 

Quick shout outs before I call it a night. 

Jeannette S., for being an awesome motivator in so many ways. I can't believe you're actually sorta kinda my boss nowadays but I wouldn't wanna have it any other way. 

Irma S., for getting me freebies (haha) and being a hoe through and through and for getting me. Hooker, you truly DO get me and my wicked sense of humor or whatever that is. 

Jessica C., I'm telling you, Jesus is ok with it! But maybe you could say an extra prayer for me just to make sure :O) <<<< that's me apologizing for being a bad sheep

I love you all, haters and lovers (that totally just made me sound like a whore didn't it?), hookers, bitches and hoes.

Until next time. 

I'm out. 

Censorship sucks fucking ass

It's 2011 and our lives seem to revolve around Facebook 24/7. Hey I'm not complaining, after all I'm the one who kept everyone updated on my labor process and told my husband "quick take a picture of him, I gotta update my Facebook" before I was even stitched up. Yes. I'm a Facebook junkie and I ain't afraid to say it!

But see, it's one thing to share your life with friends and family. But what's with all this fucking drama? Ok. Let me give you a heads up. I may be about to say a thing or two that pertains to you, but for fucks sake, if you're not wearing your big girl panties you might as well just go ahead and stop reading now. So. Panty-check! You good? Alright.
Ok first of all. If you are sick of certain people on your Facebook, delete them. Why do people feel the need to announce to us all that they're going to clean up their friends list and get everyone all "scared" like "oh my god, oh my god I hope I make the cut, whatever shall I do if I get deleted?" Then, they announce they're done and "if you can see this" you got lucky. Holy fucking shit now are we all special or what? Suddenly my life has a meaning, I now know why I'm alive!
What a load of fucking puppy doodoo!!!!! If you feel the need to delete me because I gave you a heartfelt piece of my sick and twisted mind and you didn't like it for the sole reason of you being stupid, then for fucks sake please oh god please delete me already!!!!

Now let's move on to my actual "issue". If you're a "friend" on my Facebook page, and for some odd reason you don't like what I have to say, you are more than welcome to point that out. Not saying I'm gonna give a shit but I guess it's worth trying and I AM indeed mature enough to admit when I'm wrong. However, if you seriously have an issue with me expressing myself in a way my mother didn't teach me, then well, suck it the fuck up. I'm not here to please YOU!
"you're a mother, you shouldn't be saying such things"
Looky here hoe, I don't know what your life is like but I DO have a lot of built up anger and frustration, I don't get why people think telling me I'm an "angry person" is gonna change anything haha But really now, this holding back shit isn't working for me and it's definitely NOT healthy so. So now may be the perfect time for you to "delete" me (NOOOOO!!! Please don't do it!!! Bohoooo).
"oh it's just Facebook, we're still friends in real life" uhmmm NOOOOO. What part of me admitting that Facebook has taken over my life, didn't you get? Facebook and my "real life" are one. I'm an addict and I don't plan on going to rehab.
And uhm, I'm no different in real life than I am on fb. Quite frankly, I think it's save to say, I'm probably even worse in person.

Bottom line, get over your fucking self or kiss my motherly white ass!

Over and out bitches!

Just in case you didn't know this...

F.U.C.K.

It's Saturday morning. And as usual I'm hiding out in my bedroom, taking care of the baby while dealing with this pounding in my head. Tristan and Mimi have been doing nothing but screaming and whining and crying and throwing bitch fits, for the past two hours, and over what? Well they have to clean up their rooms. I know right? What horrible mother makes their children clean up their own fucking mess?
I swear there isn't a Saturday that goes by where this shit goes down and I've seriously just had it! 

It's not THAT fucking hard! Pick it up, put it where it goes! Done! 

I mean it's not like I expect them to clean the windows or mop the floors or something. I simply want them to pick up after themselves. That's it. But NOOOOO!! 

I need someone to rewrite "Go the fuck to sleep!"!!!! I seriously need one for each irritating area when it comes to raising children! 

Go clean up your fucking room!

Get the fuck out of bed or you'll be late for school!

Eat your fucking dinner!

Stop your fucking whining/arguing/fighting!

Put some fucking clothes on (teenage edition)!

And last but not least:

Watch your fucking attitude!! As long as you're living under my roof I'm the only one who gets to have a fucking attitude around here!!!

Is it fucking Monday yet???